She was always busy. Did not have time for her friends. Slowly, her friends started to believe that she is busy with work and family. She always smiled in her Facebook and WhatsApp pictures. Things are going well for her. Some envied her, others wanted to swap places with her…happy family, good work, …. All saw the picture she had painted for the world to see. It was all about portraying an image.
But was that the reality?
Well, reality was far from it. She was struggling – at all levels. The happy family picture was not actually that rosy. Take a closer look and you could see pain in her eyes. The twinkle was missing. No one saw this. Rather no one wanted to see this because everyone was trying to camouflage/ deal with their own struggles and issues. There were discords at the family level and professional level. Nothing was going as she planned or was working towards. But that did not bother her. She knew they were trivial issues compared to tho-day struggles that she was facing. She was fighting a bigger battle – battle within herself.
She was trying to discover who she was. She was trying to find her purpose in life. She was a wonder woman on the outside but the little lost girl from the inside. She wanted to do what she really liked – something that gave her a sense of purpose. She wanted to be herself in this world of ‘expectations’ and ‘managing an image’. She knew it is very easy to shrug the responsibilities and do what she wanted. But that was not her. Her never took the easier way out. She did not believe in shrugging her responsibilities. She owned them and would live with them till her last breathe.
She tried to balance the two. Struggling all along. All alone. Struggling within, smiling outside. Initially, it hurt her to see why no one understood her battles. Over a period of time, she stopped expecting. The hurt became less. She practiced detachment without compromising on her responsibilities. Her changed behaviour was not accepted by anyone around her. They did not understand why a person who always ‘gave others‘ has started to think about herself. People who mattered ‘judged’ her all the times – insensitive, selfish, always having issues…They failed to understand that the struggle was not about external issues but internal. She was not allowed to be herself. She was expected to be what others wanted her to be. That is how it had been for years. Everything was scripted to be an ideal. Right? So why change now?
Every time she fell and she got up. She continued – more stronger and mature. In her own limited. But she did not give up. To the best of her ability. She wanted to grow, evolve. It was not easy. Yes, she wanted to give up, at times. She also lost hope. But something within her always told her she was not meant for this – there is a higher purpose. There was another calling. She had buried it all these years. Because she was afraid – afraid, to let go of relationships that defined her; afraid, because she knew very well that if she did what she really liked or wanted, she would neither be understood not appreciated by the ones she loved.
Slowly but steadily she accepted her loved ones leaving. Initially, it was painful to let go of the relationships that defined her. But she was strong. All her life she was paranoid of being alone. Today, she had accepted this as apart of life. She has overcoming her biggest fear. She started believing in herself. She knew she had to do it for herself.
She knew she will make it one day.
One day… 🙂 🙂